Relationships appear to be a simple math equation.

Person + Person + attraction + shared intellectual interests = monogamous love

If only it were actually that simple though. 

Exploring love in your youth teaches you how to love hard, fall harder, have fun, and enjoy the company of someone who cares about you equally as much as you care for them.

We have fun and find excitement in losing ourselves to someone else. So much so that the relationship almost becomes a second identity. It’s cute for a while but it doesn’t last and you don't know why. So you continue the pattern until one day, your brain matures and requires more, not just from them but also from yourself.

The honeymoon phase intertwines two people into one. Still, there comes a point in a relationship when you have to gain your individuality back without losing the bond that’s been created. 

You each had a life before you met. And, You have a life that you’re continuing to live. A relationship reveals its compatibility when the two people maintain their individuality and independence as they navigate life together.

If two people are right for each other, they will continue unfolding independently while nurturing their relationship and reaching compromises that benefit them as individuals and as a couple.

I’ve had a habit of losing my identity in pretty much every relationship I've been in. Despite being my own best friend when I was single, I would sacrifice my relationship with myself when I found a relationship with someone else. I didn’t realize how important it is not to do that.

I broke up with all of my boyfriends and it was often because I no longer saw myself growing with them or I lost who I was. And, I didn’t like that they (or our relationship) did that to me. Hindsight 20/20, I was digging my own hole. My identity often became who I was in the relationship. I would stop moving to the beat of my own drum, I wouldn’t put myself first.

I would cage myself into being exactly who I was when we first met so that way he always had the girl he fell for. I would slowly suffocate myself over the idea that I had to maintain a static image although deep down I craved change and personal evolution. I validated myself saying they weren’t enough but never looked in the mirror.

Realizing all of this has set me free (a little bit.) Having a significant other that you’re truly friends with is so much fun. And, it’s a blast when you have a lot in common. But, you don’t have to be the same person. And, I never thought of it like that.

Everyone has their own vision of growing up. In this case, it’s maturing in the realm of relationships. And for me, that means self-reflection. After all, it wasn’t always them.