In January of 2021, Ioana Lupu and Mayra ruiz castro shared what they learned after conducting about 200 in-depth interviews. The 78 professionals who were interviewed worked for a global law firm or an accounting firm in London. Except for 30 percent of the men and 50 percent of the women, (they interviewed an even amount of each) everyone commonly struggled with the lifestyle of a career that is “highly demanding, exhausting, and chaotic.” Lupu and Castro were curious to know “what does it take to free yourself from these unhealthy patterns and reach a more sustainable, rewarding work-life balance?”

I’ve finally developed a healthy relationship with work. I don’t overwork myself the way that i used to for the reason that “it looked good” (to dramatize what I’m saying: I needed it to be OBVIOUS how much i loved my job). 

Lupu and castro write, “At a high level, our research showed that achieving better balance between professional and personal priorities boils down to a combination of reflexivity.” They explained the value of a pause as A moment to yourself for honest and genuine introspection.

Lupu and castro recommend asking yourself these questions:

“What is currently causing me stress, unbalance, or dissatisfaction?”

“How are these circumstances affecting how I perform and engage with my job?”

“How are they impacting my personal life?”

“What am I prioritizing?”

“What am I sacrificing?”

“What is getting lost?”

I realized this back in August:

When i love something i have a habit of giving it all of me. At a young age, i convinced myself that if I didn’t desire to do said thing  [all of the time] then it must not be it for me.

I was convinced that if my passion for what I chose to do with my life didn’t come only naturally to me (as in my desire to take the longer and more tedious way) and if I wasn’t in a state of fulfillment at all times then I must not be truly passionate about it. I guess, in fewer words - I was an all-or-nothing type of gal. And, don’t get me wrong, that mindset still exists in some circumstances. But, when it comes to my career and the reality of being human, I’ve been able to rewire my brain a little bit.

Have you ever been so excited about moving forward with something that you let it consume you? Have you ever convinced yourself that if you’re not giving all of your efforts every day then you won’t get to where you want to be? This mindset that you can always give a little bit more… 

It’s a tornado of a headspace, both bitter and sweet. The bitter part is that it leads to one thing. A total burnout. 

Professionals are frequently expected to be at work during regular business hours and to be available

according to a Harvard business review article, “The surprising benefits of work/life support”, sociologists Erin kelly and Phyllis moen recognized the expectation of employees to be available outside of regular business hours. Kelly and Moen pointed out the “early morning call to offshore colleagues, last-minute but all-too-common work requests at 10 Pm, and ubiquitous emails, texts, and instant messaging.” They labeled the culture of this work/life imbalance “inflated expectations.” Kelly and Moen explain the habit of employees working long days [which sometimes turn into weekends] as an attempt to look busy for their managers, who are also doing the same run around for their managers.

“even when flexibility is offered, employees frequently don’t ask for it, fearing they’ll be penalized,” Alexandra Kalev and Frank Dobbin write in harvard business review.

when it comes to doing things outside of my role I’m learning how to say yes when i want to and say no when i don't want to. I’m also learning not to leave myself available just on the chance that someone is needed at the last minute. We don’t always need to save the day just to be seen and deserving of credit. 

I always want to be exceptional. And for the record, i don’t think that there’s anything wrong with that.

What I’m learning, however, is that we can still be a valuable asset to our team by doing things efficiently and on a realistic timeline. It’s possible to be exceptional without gassing ourselves out.

It’s possible to be seen even when not center stage.