At any second you can meet someone who is going to alter your life. Someone who is going to capture you differently in a way that is so unexpected and in a way that you didn’t even know you needed. This person will become a piece of you.
This person can play the role of a friend, a romance, a mentor, etc. but I am going to talk about it in terms of romance. That being because we all carry an unspoken fear in a relationship. A fear that isn’t always vocalized because some of us don’t even know what that little slice of anxiety is stemming from. Well, it’s stemming from exactly what I just said. At any given moment we can meet someone who going to alter our lives and become an important piece of us. So, at any given moment your person can meet someone who is going to alter their life and maybe awaken them to new emotions and connections that they awakened for you. This probably sounds super negative and by no means am I trying to fear you for your relationship. There is no promise of this happening but there is 100% an internal fear of it. Where else does our crazy and territorial attitude come from when we see our person hitting it off with another human being? That interaction could be totally harmless and platonic but we are going to allow our minds to sprint ahead of our reality with all of the ideas of things that person could possibly offer them, outshining ourselves.
I think this is what makes love such a risk. We are constantly growing and evolving into new versions of ourselves.
Think about who you were five years ago
Think about who you were just last year
Compare those versions to the version of yourself now
Notice anything different?
When in love, you and your person either grow as one or begin to grow apart.
Mark Manson wrote a piece called Relationship Advice from Over 1,500 People. He gathered advice from some married couples of 10+ years as well as couples who go divorced. He asked the married couples to share what worked for them and the divorced couples what caused the rift. Tip number seven in the piece was this:
“you and your partner will grow and change in unexpected ways; embrace it”.
Each individual should be encouraged to cultivate their own growth and development and be expected to evolve in different ways. In order for this to occur, there needs to be a solid foundation of respect for each individual’s interests and values underpinning the relationship.
A quote of advice was written that resonated with me heavily and it said this:
“When you commit to someone, you don’t actually know who you are committing to. You know who they are today, but you have no idea who this person is going to be in five years, ten years. You have to be prepared for the unexpected and truly ask yourself if you admire this person regardless of the superficial (or not-so-superficial) details, because I promise almost all of [those details] at some point are going to change or go away.”
So how is the decision made of whether you will grow apart or grow together? Is this something that is just supposed to happen naturally, and then you just have to accept if it doesn't go your way? Do you and your person talk about how you're going to grow into yourselves over a nice candle lit dinner and some tiramisu? I don’t have a lot of experience with love and relationships but I would imagine that it's more like the first one; with the addition of work and effort in the relationship to try your best to withhold it of course.
The lust can die out and the passion can fizzle out too but the commitment can withstand if the two people choose to work together as individuals to continue to grow together as one.
No matter what though, I recommend that you go for it. You take the risk. You fall into this person that captured you so effortlessly and do your best to capture them right back. With balance comes simplicity.
A simple yet powerful love can be created when both persons are vulnerable and transparent and put in all efforts to awaken sides of the other that have yet to be explored.