The line, the lie, the truth that we tell everyone.

I’m sure that you have envisioned a life for yourself. One that you desired to become your reality. You have also probably used the line “I need to focus on myself right now”. We all have and we all continue to. But how many of us actually do it, opposed to just taking a day to decompress and then go swipe right the day after?

i am not here to call anyone out who has used it as a line but maybe i can convince you to turn it into an action.

I have said this line often to friends and family when i would be butt hurt over a guy. I have also said it to a couple of guys in general. All of the times that I have said it, I meant it. Although, this is the first time that I have stood by it and continue to. 

I am recently learning what it means to truly focus on myself. To cancel out all distractions that I give my energy to before giving it to me. It’s cool. It feels right. I certainly am more productive throughout the day which leads to better moods. This weekend I even leveled up to the point of having less desire to be on my phone. I’m currently more interested in connecting myself to the people around me, learning from them and about them as individuals. And let’s be real, it’s also because i just don't have “that guy” that i look forward to a message from lol. It’s not something that I am going to go looking for either. This is good for me. I actually enjoy it. It allows me to daydream more about my goals and focus on me. (Said no heartbroken person ever)

We naturally gravitate towards others that we build a liking to. It’s hard not to spiral into it. Although, when you are living for someone else more than yourself, you subconsciously make small everyday sacrifices. Now by no means do I find these sacrifices to be bad or toxic BUT they do take energy and time that we would maybe give to ourselves if it was just us in the picture. this is Energy that could further our career and more time to get to know the more personal details about us.

I have come to this point in my life where i desire success and in order to achieve that I need to be the best possible version of me. I’m not saying that i can’t be that with someone but i definitely can’t figure it out with someone. If i have you finishing my sentences for me then i will grow and mold myself with you in mind. It’s just in my nature too. But for the first time in my life I want to solely be about me. I want to mold myself according to what I find interesting and enjoy dedicating my time to -the person that matches those things will bring balance. Time and energy won’t feel like it is being compromised but instead, elevated. 

But is there a time limit? Can we focus on ourselves excessively to the point of no return? what if the “right one” comes into contact with us but we’ve become too consumed with ourselves to notice?

no one person will have the same answer to these. and no one person is more correct than another. 

I don’t know when i will have the desire to open up my focus to someone new. I’m such a hopeless romantic, so it really is a toss up. I don’t want to shut out all possibilities of coming across the guy that makes it feel worth it but I also don’t want to give my energy to flings. I'm SO over the situationships. 

So for now i just need to focus on myself.